The Dress Shop of Dreams by Menna van Praag

Author:Menna van Praag [Praag, Menna van]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-8041-7899-0
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2014-12-29T16:00:00+00:00

Sebastian can’t count the number of times he’s wanted to go back to Etta, to find her, beg her forgiveness and ask her to reconsider. How many moments in over fifty years? Perhaps 250 times a day for 18,611 days, nearly five million … But each time he’s slipped on his coat and hat, stepped out of the church and begun heading in the direction of All Saints’ Passage he has always turned back. He does this a few times a year, on the anniversaries of the day they met, the night they made love and the day they parted.

He stops himself because of their promise, on parting, not to see each other again. And when Sebastian read her wedding announcement in the local paper six months later, he was relieved and grateful for it. When, thirty years later, he’d read of her husband’s death Sebastian decided it was too late to go back. Etta would have forgotten him. He didn’t want to stir up old regrets and pains long since buried. He knew her heart would have healed and he could deal with his own broken self. It would be simply selfish to do anything else.

Sometimes he thinks he sees her, on the street or in a shop. Cambridge is a rather small town, especially when the university students leave at the end of term, so if she’s forgotten their promise long ago, it wouldn’t be such a surprising thing to happen. Sebastian hopes for it. Sometimes a woman will catch his eye and for one eternal second his breath balloons in his chest and he floats above the floor, until she turns to show her face. Then he falls and exhales again, deflated. Occasionally Sebastian wonders if Etta might have changed so much that he wouldn’t recognize her now, that perhaps he’s passed her in the street many times and just hasn’t noticed. But, deep down, he knows this can’t be true: he will know Etta anytime, anywhere, no matter what. It’s not just her face he can see whenever he closes his eyes, but the way she walks, holds her hands, the very air around her. If Sebastian were standing in the corner of a darkened room and Etta stepped silently through the door, he would know it.

Of course it’s never happened, he’s never been lucky enough to see her, not once, and for this Sebastian isn’t surprised. Indeed, he’s almost grateful. He’s being punished for his sin, properly and completely, which is exactly as it should be. The fact that he’ll be tied to Etta for the whole of his life yet never be able to speak with her, to unburden himself again, to lighten the load on his suffering spirit, is perfect punishment for what he’s done.

Henry stands on the doorstep of his ex-wife’s house with Mateo tucked into his chest. After a heady day of laughter and play, his son finally fell asleep, nodding off in the car and not waking when Henry gently unbuckled his seat belt and lifted him out into the cool autumn air.

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